371 acres of the deadly Chambal ravines, proud home to 4000 kidnappings and 180 murders in the past 5 years. Hmm..let's see, we've exhausted our Police force, the army, the US Secret Service but nothing seems to be stopping these desperadoes...Shall we unleash the lions? (Eddie Vedder, how prescient art thou!)
Really, the police want to unleash a lion sanctuary in the Chambal region to help fight crime. But no, the lions will not be asked to wear a cape and a mask. Underwear worn on the outside is also strictly optional.
What's the Uttar Pradesh Police really hoping the lions will do??
"Not that the lions will be chasing the bandits, but the area will soon have a lot of movement by tourists and officials and will be lit up brightly. This will force the dacoits to flee to safer hideouts," said a senior police official Daljit Singh Chaudhary.Ah. But what if something like this happens?
"ACRE 371 aur Billi kitni?"
"Paanch, sarkar." (seriously, RTFA. They got 5 cats in there.)
"MUHAHAHAHAHA. Bahut dar lag raha hai, hamein"
Tremendous source of hilarity for the daakus, don't you think? Besides, won't the lions also pose a threat to the good men of Uttar Pradesh police department? I mean, it's not as if the lions can distinguish between two daakus who are dressed just a little differently. Ok, ok, cheap shot, cheap shot.
The Wildlife Protection Society of India views the proposed plan in a more practical light.
"The lions will be used for target practice by Chambal's not-so-nice residents"Forget lions, bandit-chewing brontosauruses and sharp-shooting stegosauruses, what they need is this man. Or at least these two men.