Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Waste Is A Terrible Thing To Mind*

"Cranes use it for courtship, hippos to mark territory, and frogs for camouflage. Humans mostly flush it as fast as they can."
Look out! Going to the Miami zoo is a crapshoot.

What if humans used defecation for courtship? It would make first dates so much less fraught with anxiety and suspense.

Friend 1: "So, how was your evening?"

Friend 2: "I think she is *really* into me. After dinner, she took a dump right at the table and then circled around it six times in clockwise direction."

Friend 1: "What about you? Do you like her too?"

Friend 2: "I don't know. I tried hard, but after much sound and fury signifying nothing, I gave up. Besides, the restaurant was out of paper napkins."

The first time I ever encountered "feces as natural history" was at the Betla National Park in Daltonganj (in Bihar.) I was probably 8 or 9 at the time and walking into that room containing jars and jars of feces made me feel like I had entered the Musee D'Orsay.

Sweet memories.

*It is all right. You can groan at the over-used pun.


wildflower seed said...

You got to it let it go.

Alok said...

hey, what were you doing in bihar at such a tender age?

km said...

WFS: Constipation blues :D :D Awesome.

Alok: I grew up in eastern UP - very close to the Palamau/Daltonganj area. Hence the Bihar connection!

MockTurtle said...

Hmm.. what is it with all the crap in Bihar? My experience involved feces as a flying projectile through a train window in that same sunny state.

i.a.t said...

much like Coprophilia, except with a few contextual changes!

km said...

MT: So that's where that old PC game of Gorilla comes from (remember - the one involving bananas? on DOS 4.0??)

I.A.T: Hooray for the Internet. Yeah, thank god for the "few contextual changes"

Tabula Rasa said...

love the screenplay :-D

- so, how did your date go?
- not too good, i came out smelling of roses.

km said...

TR: you bad, bad man :D