"Ecstasy causes depression in pigs", according to a study conducted in Denmark.
"Not bloody likely", grunted Ms. Blandings, spokesperson for the fast-growing "Hogs For Drugs" movement.
"The society must accept us as we are. I mean, how could we not be depressed? Have you seen the little piggies as they grovel in mud and eat their own poo? It is depressing. So we like a little fun every now and then and we listen to loud, repetitive music holding glow-sticks in our hands. Does that sound like depression to you? This study is yet another example of a disturbed society imposing its morals and value judgements on us."
Interpol has declined to comment on how these dangerous drugs are finding their way to young, impressionable pigs.