The One and Only, the Incomparable Adwaitya, a resident of Kolkata Zoo, was better known as Robert Clive's pet and as the oldest living creature on earth. He was a grand old Wild Aldabra tortoise. Unlike his master, the tortoise was never investigated for corruption and died earlier today of liver failure at the age of 255.
Not only did Adwaitya outlive Bobby, it even outlived the whole freakin' British Empire.
Therefore, in honor of this amazing, peaceful creature that survived nearly three bloody (literally) centuries, I will refrain from cracking jokes involving liver failure or hares or mutant ninja turtles or tortoise souls. OK, not counting the one in the title of this post.