Friday, March 17, 2006

A Brush With Death Early In The Morning

Why is there a poison warning on toothpaste tubes, I asked myself this morning.

I've asked that question several times before (and have received several answers, some frothing with conspiracy, others bubbling out pure hoax but none so refreshi...ok, stop!), but never have I asked the question with such determination and seriousness.

The answers are all over the web. Nothing new about this question.

But when NIH has a page dedicated to toothpaste poisoning, you know something's up. These guys don't fsck around with warnings. It's the NIH, for crying out loud. If there's one agency that does not like to see its citizens lying dead on their cold, tiled bathroom floors, foam and saliva dribbling out of their mouths, it's the NIH.

So why does it say on the toothpaste "if you swallow paste more than used for brushing, contact a Poison control center immediately"?

I can understand the warning if the flavor was Crest Cyanide, but this one said "Colgate Total". What two-syllable word conveys wholesomeness, hygiene and safety better than "Total"?

That the phrase toothpaste overdose even exists is a sign that our world has gone horribly, horribly wrong. Why, I've never seen a knife or a bullet that says "Warning: Could Kill. Visit the Morgue/ER Immediately".

7 comments:

simmi said...

it actually doesnt suprise me. I was seeing this guy in Denmark, (who is also South African), and I was complaining about the stove looking so grimy, and told him to get some heavy duty detergent, but he just went strait into the bathroom, smeared the whole stove with toothpaste, and a few hours later he virtually wiped all the shit that one never can remove right off...in one light wipe. Magic, innit? it comes from the township, where people have to make do.

Another thing which is highly toxic, and has caused many deaths amongst infants and toddlers is Baby Oil...the specific case I am talking about was Johnson and Johnson baby oil, (talk about wholesome, gentle, nourishing, etc). The baby had taken it and poured the entire contents of it onto herself, which didnt allow her body to breath, and caused all kinds of horrible reactions, from inner bleeding, to...It is too grim to recall. Keep products like these in safe places and do educate your children about seemingly harmless houshold items, for it is in the home that most severe accidents happen.

Ph said...

Why, indeed. Might have helped Cheney even.

km said...

LOL, ph...you don't the men in black to pay me a visit, I hope?

scout said...

great... now you tell me... all those years at home when I was shoved into the bathroom twice a day to brush my teeth - this could've been a great excuse to get out of it.
too bad i'm in the habit now - but apparently kurt cobain knew about it - he never brushed his teeth, apparently an apple does the job rather well.

Tabula Rasa said...

km:
Re: The Colgate brand name, what do you think the insurance folks mean when they say your car has been totaled?

km said...

er...that the insurance company has TOTAL confidence that they will be raising the premium the following year? Don't get me started on the insurance guys...:)

Tabula Rasa said...

Aha! Post, post!