Friday, April 06, 2007

Sex And Salvation

Drunken blogging. Pure genius. I remember saying the exact same thing about "stoned band practice".

So my boss tells me over a large Sapporo, "dude, you're all business all the time" and I feel insulted. How could I - *I* - be *all business* and this guy with a permanent bluetooth earpiece be not all business? Why is he calling me "dude"? And am I really all business all the time? And why is that bottle of Sapporo looking so big? And why am I all business all the time? And why is the Asian girl taking so long to get my next Sapporo? What if we could replace this slow human interface with a touch-screen interface with one large icon in the middle of the screen? A big, brown, happy bottle of Sapporo, naturally.

Compensation drives behavior. I vaguely remember someone telling me this several beers ago. I can't quite recall how or why we got to that topic.

Not only is CNN more moronic than we think, it is more moronic than we can think. JBS Haldane said that. The idiots are running a special feature called "What is a Christian" and for some reason, they are interviewing people attending a porn de-addiction camp run by a church. The documentary is subtitled "Sex and Salvation". A very large Sapporo, please.

To the Irish lady who asked me about India's caste system: There is no caste in India - I repeat, NO CASTE - with a Yellow Labrador as its mascot. I'm sorry but large Sapporo make Indian man shit bulls.

BTW, my buddy Scout has drafted me into her little army of drunks. (Regiment icon: a pickled liver) As cameos go, that's a pretty good cameo. The pay is terrible, but like any flasher will tell you, it's all about the exposure...

And finally, a beautiful quote:

" "

6 comments:

Tabula Rasa said...

joy

Arthur Quiller Couch said...

You gave me a new drink (I had to google Sapporo)
You also gave me a complex. Or at least reinforced it.

Now if someone would give me a life...

Anonymous said...

freshmen year, under the influence of something called 99 bananas, I had held forth for a long time about our neighbouhood tiger and how some local murders were blamed on poor innocent Growly. Thankfully he was absolved eventually.

@AQC - Sapporo will not disappoint.

Brown Magic

km said...

TR: Uttam! (yes, today's the "Homage to Bengali superstars of yesteryears" Day)

Hey, AQC, long time no see. Remember "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy". Not complex, simple.

BM: I have no idea what you're talking about, but how DARE you frame Growly in such despicable crimes? I knew Growly well and he was a good cat. Sharp-toothed, but basically a good cat.

MockTurtle said...

Looked like a beautiful set of quotes to me...

Ph said...

I am so going to steal that last line. I have been looking for an exit strategy and you just handed it to me. (To make sense of that, read my very first post).