Knowledge is the death of innocence.
An uncle and aunt are visiting us for a few days. Don't get the wrong idea, it's all good. Any opportunity to talk about family and roots and forgotten relatives is good. Plus, there's good classical music playing around the house all the time - instead of the television - and then there's the food. Oh, the food.
As we all know, a South Indian aunt likes her yogurt and homemade yogurt it has to be. They don't go for that sodium-laced supermarket stuff. So my aunt brings some yogurt seed ("culture") with her. I wish I hadn't said "seed". You will repeatedly hear that regret in the rest of this post.
If my resume were to mention just one skill, it would be "I boil milk perfectly without spillage and burnage". So my services were called for and I boiled the milk. The boiled milk was then carefully placed on the kitchen counter for it to cool down before The Adding Of The Seed. No! YOGURT CULTURE!.
I had been instructed: the seed - NO! YOGURT CULTURE! - was in a plastic jar in the refrigerator. I was to add the seed - NO! YOGURT CULTURE! - only when the milk had cooled down sufficiently. So I open the fridge door and take a look at this plastic jar.
Deep breath, all of you.
The plastic jar had a label around it. Alarm bells break out into a tinny cacophony inside my head.
The label had my uncle's name on it. How quaint - aunty had used a medicine bottle to bring us the seed - NO! YOGURT CULTURE! - from her kitchen.
Feel a barf coming? Hang on.
Curious, I turned the bottle around to read the label. I wish I had not. Remember what I said earlier about knowledge and innocence?
Now would be a good time to open up that barf-hose. Let it flow, let it flow.
It was a prescription pill bottle. Ergo, it once contained prescription pills. The words on the label, printed in a bold typeface, floated in and out of my vision. I experienced dizzyness, nausea, bloating and shortness of breath.
It was not just any old prescription. It was a prescription for a very popular erectile dysfunction pill. And it now contained seed - NO! YOGURT CULTURE!
A bottle containing erectile dysfunction pills now contained yogurt culture. A bottle, whose contents ("take 1 hour before, ahem, certain activity") are used exclusively for "recreational" purposes, was now to be used for feeding the family?
Miss Muffet can go to hell, but tonight I am staying away from curds and whey.