Friday, August 03, 2007

It's Alright Ma (I Got Them Discombobulation Blues)

I hear a man's voice inside the elevator. Just one word: "Hello". It's buried under static and "whoosh", like a guitar phaser set to 10.

I jump up - literally - look around the elevator and see no one. Then, just to be sure I didn't miss any of the corners, I look again. There's no one in the elevator (but me, of course.) I am definitely hearing a voice in this elevator with an est. pop. of 1.

My long-harbored fears are coming true. Voices in my head, padded cells, men in white taking me away, days and nights spent polishing those crazy diamonds, my wife standing outside my isolated room...

Seeing my floor is still a few seconds away, I decide to confront the Voice.

I summon a "Hello?". Even to my own ears, I sound half-ashamed and half-frightened.

"Yeah?", says the elevator. It (or he) sounds irritated. The elevator doesn't seem too crazy about small talk.

"Hello?", I say again. More crackle, hiss and pop. The elevator's response is barely audible or comprehensible, which is how it should be. The elevator stops at the requested floor and I walk out.

I look back, half-expecting to see something terrible in the elevator, like the ghost of a decapitated office worker, appearing from nowhere. Then I tell myself, "office elevators transport brainless people, but never headless ones. NEVER!".

Having ruled out the possibility of a Haunted Elevator, I conclude this was simply a Cosmic Joke, a Divine Punk'd or maybe some kind of a Message. But if God wanted to send me a Message, why did He choose an elevator? And if an elevator could deliver a Message, what would it be?

Till I find some answers, I am taking the stairs.


Jay said...

Reminded me of a Woody Allen stand-up piece.. not exactly in context.. but:).. googled and found this link:

kalpesh said...

nice post. yes sometimes reflecting on ourselves we find things that were never imagined and some which are only imagination.

km said...

Jay: Thanks for that *awesome* link. I am reminded of Woody's interaction with mechanical objects in "Sleeper" (and of course, Chaplin's in "Modern Times")

kalpesh: thanks.

Tabula Rasa said...

maybe that *was* the message. "i just called to say 'hello'."

Blackmamba said...

making friends with the elevator can be a _good thing_. You should will be glad the day you end up like Tavernier in Elevator to the Gallows.

Oh wait, you have a wife. In that case, ahem, well, you might have just hit the red button that says "Call the Operator".

Space Bar said...

pity you left so soon. you might have heard hitchcock telling you, in utter secrecy, the end of that other elevator story.

km said...

TR: My elevators don't play mashups of cheesy '80s songs.

blackmamba: Tavernier, Gallows? No comprende.

space bar: My elevator's haunted by Hitch's ghost?! I am never leaving the building now.

blackmamba said...

couldn't find the elevator scenes, only bits in the

see, not being well-versed with Ingmar, Alfred etc, had to use references like Louis Malle.

c'est la vive and all.

tabula rasa said...

hey, ascensior pour l'echefaud (or however the bleep you spell it): miles gone all cheesy and pop, esp on the 1990 reunion show.