A Messiah, Yes, But Very Fatty

The Religion Police always looks out for us. (Link to the Guardian)

You're going to love this quote:

Bill Donahue, president of the Catholic League, said the work was a direct assault on Christians. "All those involved are lucky that angry Christians don't react the way extremist Muslims do when they're offended."

At least not yet, Bill.

It Was A Hands-Off Workshop, I Assure You

The meeting's going very well.

I am feeling unusually confident and articulate.

I know exactly where these bozos are going wrong.

I use fearsome phrases like "But Bob, this is a process in evolution" and "for the sake of team focus, let's not get drawn into a discussion on semantics and meta-processes".

I am bursting with ideas, solutions, alternatives and inputs.

I know I can build consensus and help steer the group in the right direction.


I look down and find that I have attended a meeting with my fly wide open.

There's A Kind Of Lumberghness All Over My World

"If you guys could come in early on Saturday and Sunday, that'd be great"

"If you could send me the utilization reports by 5PM, that'd be great"

It's official. I became this guy.

Fuck.

Can you even imagine the shame I felt when I realized I had ended not one but two sentences in the same day with "that'd be great". (And to cover up, I threw in a "Red Swingline stapler" joke before the minions started cracking up around me. I don't think it helped.)

I coulda been somebody, you know? Like The Dude. Or Sam Spade. Of all the memorable film characters available to me, I had to choose Bill Lumbergh.

So who wants to show up at work in a Hawaiian shirt and jeans?

Saving The Strays In Bangalore

I hope Bangalore's city government (BBMP) considers some sensible alternatives to dealing with the city's stray dog situation. Killing them is just wrong.

Which Side Is A Leopard Clouded?

why, on the outside, of course.

There's something terribly exciting in reading reports of new animal species still being discovered in "our" time. And when the species in question is the beautiful "clouded leopard", even more so. (The "Neofelis Nebulosa" - such an AWESOME name.)

But one little fact about these kitties is a bit, shall we say, worrisome:

" In captivity, clouded leopards present a reproductive challenge. Unfortunately, there is a high incidence of aggression between males and females, sometimes resulting in the death of the female."

I mean, sure, every male occasionally has his "not tonight dear, I have to rip this gazelle from limb to limb" moment or maybe he just wants to watch Letterman or read a book, but killing the female to avoid sex is simply too much.

So there you have it- breaking news, zoology, humor, marital psychology, all in one convenient place.
*****

BTW, this news item in The Hindu says one of the Indian zoos has a Clouded Leopard. Here's a picture of the animal in Shillong Zoo.

Indeed, apna desh is home to this species too. Check out this excellent scientific document, authored by a scientist from Calcutta, on the discovery of the species. (Link to a PDF Document.)

Dude, Where's My Ambassador?

Drunk, bound, gagged and naked in El Salvador - that's where.

I am using the "Dude, Where's My ________" headline in 2007. Dude, where's my originality? STOP IT!

The Real Digital Divide

is between people who use the "cc" in emails correctly and those who do not.

Of Mothers And Fathers

"Then listen to me", he said and cleared his throat. "It's true that a child belongs to his father. But when a father beats his child, it seeks sympathy in its mother's hut. A man belongs to his fatherland when things are good and life is sweet. But when there is sorrow and bitterness he finds refuge in his motherland."

from Chinua Achebe's "Things Fall Apart". Good stuff, that book.

Where Does The Time Go?

It goes in....

watching this woman at a meeting trying to eat an apple as noiselessly as possible. Very thoughtful of her, I must say, and she did achieve noiselessness for the most part. Except that this noble goal of hers forced her to eat in a manner that looked like she was, slowly and passionately, and that's just as it should be, french-kissing the fruit. Very distracting.

watching this restless desi programmer-type dude sitting next to me on a four-and-a-half flight, flapping one end of his seat-belt for fifteen minutes. When this fascinating activity no longer challenged his creativity, he finished his diet Coke, clenched the rim of the plastic cup with his teeth and began shaking his head up and down for a full five minutes. I kept an eye on him throughout the flight because I was curious to see what he would do with a folded boarding pass, the in-flight magazine and a mini-pretzel.

trying to imagine why someone felt the need to invent the phrase "making sure we are all on the same page". Forget being on the same page (Mark Foley would be very unhappy), most of us aren't even on the same book or even reading a book of the same genre.

And that's where it goes.