Friday, September 26, 2008

"No Sock Left Behind", "Black Sock Down" Etc Etc

One fine black Gold Toe sock has fallen behind the dryer. The dryer's too wide (and high) for me to lean over and across its top and retrieve the sock. So I look around the room for some tools and find the following:

A collection of short stories by Balzac
Terry Pratchett's "Going Postal"
A week-old issue of the New Yorker
A compilation of E.B. White's writings
A four-inch tall "Laughing Buddha"
Lip-gloss, moisturizer and an almost-empty can of deodorant

Let's see if you lateral thinkers can help me get my Gold Toe sock back out.


L said...

Get a vacuum cleaner and vacuum it out.

Lekhni said...

That was me. I take full credit. I am even giving away the copyright to that brilliant idea :)

km said...

No, no, you have to use only the tools listed in the post :D

Space Bar said...

why can't you lie down and use your hands?! or the booda. in fact, lie down, hook sock on booda. emerge with dust balls.

neha vish said...

Tear eight sheets of the New Yorker and twist together a paper rope. Two more sheets of the New Yorker will make a paper hook. (What? You didn't learn origami in school. Tsk!)

Drop the four inch buddha to the left of the sock. About two inches away. That is your physical marker. Because you can't really see where your paper hook and rope are going you need the marker. Since Balzac's stories aren't realyl short, I am going to assume it's a thick book... So if there isn't enough space, lift a part of the dryer up with it. Like a wrench.

Take paper rope and hook and wave it madly about. Get the sock out. If it doesn't, take the hint from Terry Pratchett's title.

km said...

Neha: You have a frighteningly twisted mind :)

sb: I was half-expecting you to say "the sock is a persistent illusion caused by a lack of shoe". (I did emerge with dust boulders, not balls.)

Space Bar said...

now how can i get metaphysical when my head's full of econ i can't understand?!

Falstaff said...

Read the Balzac to the Buddha until he tells you to put a sock in it. Point out that you don't actually have a sock because it's behind the dryer. Wait for divine intervention.

Oh, and if this doesn't work, blame Wall Street.

The Black Mamba said...

1. put on that lip-gloss and moisturizer.

2. stack all these books and the buddha on one hand.

3. get out of the house and find a spot where find upstanding individuals roam the streets and stand around seductively.

4. struggle with getting that deodorant to work.

5. when someone stops by to help you with the deodorant. Look very impressed and coy.

6. When they figure out the deodorant can for you, ask them if they can help you with one more thing in your house.

7. there.

PS: but seriously for a Gold Toe socks. not worth it.

Tabula Rasa said...

the canned answer i know of involves taking a leak in it. but we can always think of others. for instance, you could ask the companion sock to get deodorout. but that might not work if the black sock is hiding because e b white.

km said...

Falstaff: "Reading Balzac to the Buddha" is a good title. NPR-ish, but good.

Mamba: I'm a one-socked street walker? Oh mama!

TR: stop, stop, you are crashing the global sock markets. ("e b white" :D)